i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
