he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
