I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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