i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
