You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
