he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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