Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.