you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.