Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.

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  (616): I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does. http://tfl.nu/4jqf
  Replies (4) Good night (1314) Bad night (614)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect

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  (919): I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect http://tfl.nu/qvmo
  Replies (8) Good night (1173) Bad night (841)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (14322) Bad night (1127)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.

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  (317): We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us. http://tfl.nu/q48d
  Replies (7) Good night (5470) Bad night (731)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

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  (920): He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car. http://tfl.nu/srqw
  Replies (38) Good night (11438) Bad night (1508)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.

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  (919): I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process. (1-919): Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop. http://tfl.nu/dsex
  Replies (3) Good night (4466) Bad night (1003)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.

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  (801): I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl. http://tfl.nu/k0v0
  Replies (18) Good night (1003) Bad night (4710)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.

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  (210): If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already. http://tfl.nu/pwun
  Replies (7) Good night (2629) Bad night (1059)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.

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  (509): walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her. http://tfl.nu/knz9
  Replies (9) Good night (5915) Bad night (841)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday

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  (406): you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday http://tfl.nu/fxk1
  Replies (4) Good night (799) Bad night (1497)
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  (516): View more from New York

  perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection

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  (516): perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection http://tfl.nu/w4cf
  Replies (8) Good night (658) Bad night (1828)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.

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  (517): my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win. http://tfl.nu/1toi
  Replies (7) Good night (1705) Bad night (669)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.

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  (970): We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest. http://tfl.nu/w1i7
  Replies (16) Good night (2733) Bad night (828)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.

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  (727): I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult. http://tfl.nu/f77x
  Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (512)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl

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  (317): There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl http://tfl.nu/t02v
  Replies (3) Good night (797) Bad night (520)

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