I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?