Will you blow on my dice?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
