i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.