he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.