so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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