He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
