I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize