Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize