hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
