Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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