if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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