you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
