Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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