Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
