It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
