Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She's the barista slut.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
