His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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