I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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