i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
