on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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