I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
