she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
