:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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