had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
