That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
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I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
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You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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