Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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