I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
