...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize