I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
