I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So much rum. So many feels.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
