I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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