Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
