Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Soap is not a condiment
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
