you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
