Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
