Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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