Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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