Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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