i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
