i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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