Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
