she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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