So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
