I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
