Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
