On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
