I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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