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my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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