The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
