I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
