I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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