Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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