I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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