I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
