I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
