i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
