At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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