i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
