You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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