My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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