Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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