What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
