It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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