Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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