Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
