Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's never too late to be topless.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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