Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I just sharted jello shots
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
