You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
