So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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