i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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