Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i will never coherently bang her
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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