Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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