problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
