Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I could fuck to npr.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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